I reckon it’s going to take me a little while to really nail-down the specific characteristics that set off the douche-alert but here are a few that I think will find a place on the list:

• representing yourself as wealthier than you are
• posing like a dickhead in photos
• overuse of hashtags
• somehow ruining slang just by using it
• being white but convincing yourself that you’re black

Here is a cautionary example to help explain those previous points.

Massive douche tip: Do the opposite of the guy pictured above.