Control your kids

If you don’t control your kids, they’re going to piss people off. When they piss people off, they’re going to get told off by other people. Don’t blame the people who are forced to tell your kids off, they’re only doing it because you didn’t live up to your responsibilities. Massive douche tip: If your […]

Don’t be a bad winner

A quick and easy way to make sure everyone thinks you’re a massive douche is to be a bad winner. Being a bad sport shows everyone there that you care more about being first than you do about enjoying the competition, so don’t do that. If you win at something, you deserve to be happy […]

How not to rape

Sarah Silverman is friggin hilarious, and damned smart, and I guess that’s how she figured out a great way to comment on the rape debate in a way that points out the douchebaggery involved in the male side of things. She did so by posting this: It reads: Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks. When […]

“Lookin fresh bruh”

I reckon it’s going to take me a little while to really nail-down the specific characteristics that set off the douche-alert but here are a few that I think will find a place on the list: representing yourself as wealthier than you are posing like a dickhead in photos overuse of hashtags somehow ruining slang […]